Last year, I truly believe that God led me to separate from my husband and then eventually divorce.

This post was written and edited using the transcript from the video linked above on Mother Lisa’s YouTube channel “Would God tell you to divorce?” Portions of the post are direct translations from the video while others have been edited to add clarity, structure, and increase readability.

Getting called to divorce?

I need to address something and I understand that it isn’t going to be a very digestible conversation for some, but just know, as uncomfortable as you feel, I’ve been avoiding having this conversation for over a year now. It needs to happen and I know that there is somebody else who needs to hear what I have realized over this past year.

So for context, my name is Lisa. Welcome to my site, I have posted things in the past that were rather random, but now I am moving with a lot more intention, specifically intentionally in Christ. With that I have gone through some great changes that may look questionable for someone on the outside looking in.

For transparency, I was married to my ex-husband for about five years, together for 13. Last year, I truly believe that God led me to separating and then eventually divorcing. That felt very confusing for me, especially because we all know that God does not want you to divorce. And I remember when I was contemplating this and I was going back and forth, I remember reading Mark and feeling like crap. I had already felt very confused, very heavy, and in pain. I was just freshly reading the Word on my own and I read Mark 10 and the pain got heavier.

Let’s take a moment to read it together in case you aren’t already familiar with the chapter I’m referring to.

Mark 10:1-12 NIV

“1 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them. 2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied. 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.””

(The Holy Bible: New International Version [NIV], 1978/2011, Mark 10:1-12)

We’re missing the plot

Now imagine you’re questioning if God actually wants you to get a divorce, or maybe you are already asking that question, and you read that. You would think, “Obviously not. Obviously, I need to stay and stick it out.” I’ve had to sit with that feeling of disobedience, but I want to highlight something that kind of brought me peace with this and that I think we’ve missed the plot of in verse nine… “therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

In so many situations we will have people asking , “should they get a divorce or stay together?” But, how many times have we asked ourselves or even sought counsel in the question, “should I marry this person?” It seems it’s after we’ve met, “fell in love”, created a home, and it’s not working, then we want to ask, “should I get a divorce?” But, at what point are we going to start asking is this what God wants me to do in the first place? Because it says what God has joined together. This suggests that if God didn’t put it there, it shouldn’t be there.

Where is God in this?

The reason why I’ve avoided this conversation is out of respect for my ex husband especially, but also that kind of hard truth that I was not in alignment with God when I entered our marriage. But, we really have to be honest with ourselves and with each other when we’re having the conversation about marriage and divorce and ask upfront, “where is God in this?”

So many times you have people that meet in the most unconventional ways, and they will join together because they want to, because their flesh is telling them that it’s ok, but it isn’t in alignment with God in the first place. Then they wonder why it’s not working, why it’s so painful, or why they can’t seem to help each other. They can’t seem to fill each other or lift each other up.

It’s because it was never meant to happen in the first place, and that can be a very uncomfortable truth to realize that you’ve dedicated your entire life to something that wasn’t in His plan. We need to hold ourselves accountable and have these conversations beforehand, but in the event that we’re in it already do we bring God in?

A question that came up for me when thinking… I’m giving my life to Christ and in that I’m giving Him the past, present, and the future. Are we capable of forgiving and accepting that we are no longer who we used to be in order to move on and maintain a fruitful marriage under God’s guidance or do we accept the loss and move on according to God’s will? I don’t have the answer to that.

Is it too late?

Going back to verse five, “it was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote this law.” Can you soften your heart? Are you able to heal the wounds? Can you forgive? Do you still feel God’s love, God’s presence, and the gift of life? Because I know for me, it’s a lot harder for me to feel closer to Christ, therefore closer to God, had I stayed and so we have to have that very hard level of vulnerability and honesty with ourselves and with our partners in whatever capacity that is The ultimate goal should be to get closer to Christ so that we can be closer to God.

I can’t speak for the future because so many times in my life I say things like, “oh, I’m not going to do this, or I’m going to do this” and then God’s like, “yeah, actually, we’re gonna do something else.” But, I can speak for the current season I’m in right now and divorce was necessary. Just thinking about this past week, there are experiences that I wouldn’t have had and revelations that I would have never received had I stayed. Going bigger than that, looking at this past year, there are areas that I would have not grown in spiritually or emotionally had I stayed.

The truth will set you free

It reminds me of what my pastor actually mentioned today, “Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free” (NIV, 1978/2011, John 8:32) The reality is in order to get to that freedom, we do have to face the truth Sometimes the truth is heavy, sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it doesn’t feel good. Sometimes you question if it’s really the truth or something you’re just telling yourself. The primary question should always be, “is God here?”

Check your heart – is it hard or soft? Are you closer to our Father?

Again, I don’t have all the answers, but that’s where I am right now with things. It is still very painful and uncomfortable because the reality of having to face my past. Even when I give it to Christ, even when I say, “Lord, I know that you’re gonna make sense out of this and you’re gonna do something with it.” It doesn’t always take away the emotions that I feel immediately.

Your flesh doesn’t stop doing what it was designed to do, which is to feel and to perceive and to try to make sense of things, so I’m working on softening my heart so that I can have these hard conversations, or at least start these conversations.

Let’s have hard conversations

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments and I pray that when we’re able to be vulnerable and honest with each other, we’re able to get to the root of things. We can get to the truth of things so that we can all experience the freedom that is promised in it. I’m so grateful that I’m in a place now where I can handle these type of conversations.

I’m grateful that I can allow myself to feel and not stay there. I can allow myself to experience and let go and trust that God knows what He’s doing and I can trust that even though things don’t make sense right now, I know it’s not my problem to figure out.

All I have to do is trust the Lord.

Give your life to Christ

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (NIV, 1978/2011, Proverbs 3:5-6)

Give him your heart, give him your mind, give him your soul.

Blessings to you. I pray you have the most wonderful day and no matter what you’re going through, God is greater. I love you.

He loves you.

If you would like to dive deeper into this topic with me as it relates to your life, click here. Thank you for being here.